Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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