Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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