Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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