I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
