just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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