Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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