His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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