It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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