Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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