just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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