So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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