Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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