This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
