i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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