How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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