Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Panties = found
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
