I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
