I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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