Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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