awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
