Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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