I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
