"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize