so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
