a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
two words: eviction party
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You took a bar mat shot.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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