He disabled his match.com account in front of me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
