"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
