I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
