either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
