"it" just moved
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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