Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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