on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
