my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
