I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
