Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
