I just pynch a tree in the face
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
