dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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