i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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