im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So squirting runs in the family.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
