i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
