I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
