wanna go halves on a baby?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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