i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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