After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
