did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
