I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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