I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
