by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
