i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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