I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
