i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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