White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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