Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
