Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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