Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't put those talents on a resume
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
