question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
