His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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