I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
