the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
