He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Vodka?
Forever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
