My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
