The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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