I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
