Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
